September 23, 2008
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How to NOT remain friends after a breakup
1. break up over text
The amount of courtesy you put into a breakup shows how much courtesy you want to put into the relationship post breakup. If you want to show the least amount of care, use your friend technology. Email and text are a little more personal because they show the possibility that they might keep your email or number in their address book. Facebook is the best way to go low. Who doesn’t love signing on and finding out that they are no longer in a relationship? The answer: Nobody. To really make sure you will never be “friends” don’t even respond to their messages (“WHAT? WHY DOES IT SAY WE AREN’T TOGETHER??). Bonus points: change your profile picture to you and other girl/boy kissing.
2. sum them up in one word
This one is simple. Everybody wants to think they are complicated. Everybody want to think they can be summed up in more than 10 words. During the breakup just use one. Selfish, Stupid, Insufficient, Lazy, Conceited, etc.
3. cheat
During the relationship: cheat. This way when you break up you can do either two things. You can say that they weren’t enough for you OR you can say that you already have someone esle. Either way you have won a battle. With the first one you have won the battle of hitting them were it hurts, in the second you have won the battle of finding someone new before they do.
4. make comments about their “junk”
Our “junk” tends to be the root of all insecurites. If you make a comment that the guy is small or a minute man then he will feel insecure in his next endeavor and will not preform. If you say a girl is loose or smells funky then she will feel so insecure that for a period of time she won’t even want to have endeavors. It doesn’t even matter if it is true. This is only really effective if you make comments to mutual friends or their friends.
5. sleep with their best friend
If you really want to sever all ties seduce their best friend. This can be tricky. I suggest alcohol or roofies.
Comments (6)
wow.
i like this.
I can relate to most, not in my favor though.
and lunch this weekend sounds good.
or anytime.
I don’t have much of friend request log for a while.
Love the picture.
wow yeah those are some pretty aweful ways to break up.
1 I would classify as immature.
2 Also immature
3 Been the victim of this more times than i can count. sucks but helps you get over the relationship quicker.
4 Would be a really aweful spiteful thing to say and could cause self contious people to develop a complex.
5 Doesnt just end the relationship also ends the friendships. had an ex do this with 2 of my close friends before i found out. needless to say those friendships ended.
lol
@Tucker547 - yeah it was pretty much a checklist of things not to do. even though a lot of people do them…. i dont know. people are mean.
Absolutely hilarious.
@yello_lego - haha thank you